The blog

20 weeks with baby number 3

Hey everyone, its been a while since a blog post, so I apologise. Some of you who follow me on Instagram would have known already by my insta videos ( which I am new at, and still trying to get the hang off!) that I am pregnant! I have been rather quiet with this one, more or less just really enjoying this pregnancy. Ive enjoyed having a little secret to myself for a while. But now I’m half way and about time I shared an update with you all!

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20 weeks with baby number 3

The first 3 months have been fairly easy, not much nausea just a lot of tiredness. I had an early gestational diabetes test, which I have not heard back from, so I’m assuming all good…..and considering how I felt with Elijah and how I feel this time, couldn’t be more different! This pregnancy is a lot more like when I was pregnant the first time with Timmy, it was easy and comfortable and I really enjoyed the experience. Elijah, well that was a whole other ball game. I hated every minute being pregnant, I hate saying that. But it was true. It was very hard to control anything to do with my body, what I ate and how I felt before or after i ate, my tiredness level was horrendous! however the minute I gave birth I felt I could have run a marathon, I literally felt amazing again. Goes to show what gestational diabetes can do to you!

I thought we would stop after baby number 2, but I realised the moment I gave birth to him that would be that last time. I was sad at the thought of never getting to go through pregnancy again, feel baby kicks and getting to go through labour again. Yes, labour sucks, but it is the most rewarding experience you will ever have in your life, well it was for me anyway! You go through hours of pain to get the most amazing gift at the end of it! There is literally no high like it when you see and hold your baby in your arms, its pure magic.

well I have really been enjoying my pregnancy a lot this time around. Really absorbing it all. I’m getting a lot bigger now and feeling baby move a fair bit more, however baby is a lot more quiet in the moving department then the other two were. I have had my scan to tell me the sex of my baby. If you want to know, send me a msg, ill tell you ūüôā I wont write it on here as other people may not want to know.

With every pregnancy there are new fears I face every time. With Timmy it was all new, I feared the unknown. And after the birth everything was different, it was overwhelming, the tiredness was a whole new level I never knew. but after 4 months it all settled down, we found our rhythm and it was good. With Elijah I was worried how Timmy would handle the new addititon, but on a whole he was good. He just decided to go through his threenanger stage after Elijah was born, which kinda sucked and made my life very stressful. He seems to be getting a bit better now. But after Elijah I hit Post Natal Depression, my stress was off the grid it was awful….speaking to doctors and councillors all they suggested was drugs, especially after the doctor told me I would need drugs to come of the original drugs they would give me….um, no thanks. I decided right there and then I had to sort my shit out, whether it was timing or just me, somehow I managed to get my shit together. It was not easy, but I am lucky I got through it, it took a good 5 months. So yes I am nervous that PND will begin again after baby number 3, but I am currently taking steps to try and get my head straight, try to be aware of when I’m feeling low, and try to take a different approach after baby is born. only time will tell if this helps or not. If not there is a course on PND I can do through the Parental Stress Centre, who I did a course through them after my last baby called “find the calm amongst the chaos” and I can not tell you how much that helped me. You can read about my story on that here The Parental Stress Centre¬†

Its now 20 weeks with baby number 3, and I had my first hormonal breakdown a few days ago. My fears going forward are obviously PND, and Elijah. He is very clingy and needs my attention a lot. He screams and cry’s constantly when I am around, for other people he seems fine, but when it is me, its not good enough he needs to be with me or on me or have my attention a lot of the time! I am hoping after he starts talking he will calm down on the screaming and crying. however, I am looking forward to having our last addition join the family. Timmy is very excited for the new addition, he has helped choose the name also. I am not worried about him, he is such a smart little cookie and yes he has days he is a right pain in the arse however, he is such a beautiful little boy, very intelligent and makes a really good big brother. He loves to help me out when he is in the mood. His latest helping is vacuuming the floor. I am not complaining.

So after my feeling a bit low the other day and loosing my temper one too many times at the boys, I decided I needed to try and get on top of this once again before it gets out of control. I went onto the Parental Stress Centre website and found a course which now suits me. I will blog about it later once I am finished it. It is called The Happy Mum Course. I Just started 3 days ago, it goes for 10 weeks. I will blog all about it. I honestly love this centre, it suits me perfectly, and from my experience speaking with a counsellor this course beats that hands down! 

I am lucky this time around, we have everything we need for the last addition. All the furniture, a lot of gender neutral clothing – but either way this baby is getting all the hand me downs! The only thing extra we need is to get a pram that fits both Elijah and the new baby. Baby Bunting, here we come! I loved shopping there for all the stuff we needed for Elijah, they were so helpful and the prices were so good! Were hoping that the car seat capsule fits into the car so we will not need to buy a new one of those either! But other then that we are pretty much set ready to go! I’m looking forward to this next stage, and knowing this is absolutely our last bubba. I am happy with this, and accept it. I am just really enjoying every single second of this pregnancy and want to take it all in. I did not really with Elijah, I wasn’t feeling right and then after with the PND was just horrible. The newborn stage went by in the blink of an eye. I barely recognise Elijah as a newborn, its a blurry first 5 months with him which makes me sad. So this time I really want to just try to take everything in, and I’m hoping by working with the Parental Stress Centre through their course this will help keep me on track.

Ok, so that is all so far from me! So far so good on my pregnancy. Be sure to check out my Insta & Facebook page for picture updates along the way!

Candice xx

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The blog

Laboring Eli

The 23rd March was like any other day, except at 2pm my waters would break. I was at home with Timmy, I had just put him down for a nap and laid down ready for a snooze myself when my waters broke. Yay, finally!!!

I was booked in the following day to be induced, as I had Gestational Diabetes and they did not want me going any longer. But obviously baby had other ideas! So as soon as my water broke, I went to the bathroom leaving puddles of water everywhere on my way. I called my partner, no answer as he was at work. So I sent him a text which said “waters broke” ¬†then I quickly tried my dad to see where he was, lucky for me, unlucky for him, he was at home! so I told him my waters broke, but I was going for a bath and not to rush over (he was my lift to the hospital) as Timmy is still asleep and I’ve got no pains at all. So Carl calls me back, he is at work and will stay for a while there…we have been through this before and we know its going to be a while before anything happens so no point in him rushing back. ¬†I get in the bath and dad turns up, he is a bit paniky, so I reassure him not to panic, I’m in no pain, let me get ready and don’t wake Timmy… well he wakes Timmy up straight away…silly move. Now I have an excited 2 year old running around the house wanting to help!

Finally we get the car packed with my thousand bags and we head to the hospital where we are met by my step mum who has just finished a shift there. They come with me to the maternity ward, i’m glad they did because we get there and are told I need to wait in the waiting room as there are currently no beds for me and they have an emergency they are dealing with. So while we are waiting, I go through 3 pairs of underwear as my waters are still leaking, its the worst feeling! you feel like you are constantly peeing yourself! I never had that with Timmy, he was one gush that was it.

Not long after, they take me into a room, hook me up to a machine which monitors baby’s heart beat and my contractions – or lack of – I was hooked up to a drip as I needed antibiotics as I tested positive to that swab you get towards the end. But also because I was having no contractions and of the positive result, they decided they would give me medication to kick start my contractions as they were worried about infection. So by this point its getting on 6 or 7pm, im texting friends and family having good old chats, carl has arrived at the hospital and im still in no pain so they up the medication, and then up it again!! It was at 8.30pm it got painful, and fast! It was an hour of full on contractions, me screaming in pain before baby Elijah was born at 9.40pm.

The minute Elijah was born, I felt amazing…its hard to explain, but if you have read my 30 week pregnancy post 30 weeks pregnant¬†you will know how tough this pregnancy was on me. I had Gestational diabetes and was on 2 insulin’s, always tired and never felt right. It really made enjoying being pregnant hard. Well, the minute I gave birth, I instantly felt so much better! Besides the after contractions, which were incredibly painful and lasted a good week after the birth, I was happy and full of energy!

The midwives were really nice through out the labor and after while helping me feed Elijah. I was nervous about trying breast feeding again, as I didn’t have much success the first time with Timmy.¬†Breast Feeding, Conflicting Advice, Nipple Shields & Mastitis.¬†So I was thrilled when Elijah was willing to suck. It took me 3 painful weeks to get the positioning and latching right, but we are finally there now at 4 weeks, still a little painful but not as bad!

I stayed in hospital for 2 days, I had to stay in for minimum of 24 hours because of my gestation diabetes both me and Elijah needed to get our bloods tested to make sure we were ok. Lucky Elijah’s were all fine, but mine were a little funny before coming good in the end otherwise they wouldn’t have let me go home if they don’t return to normal! I wanted to stay the extra day to make sure I knew what I was doing when it came to feeding Elijah.

While I was in hospital, Timmy came to visit and meet his brother for the first time. He was so excited. It was such a special moment when he got to see him, and said “hello baby brother Elijah”. He held him, gave him kisses, I even let him help push the baby in his bed out for a walk to get me some water! I was very nervous when it was time to go home, I was very worried how I would handle a new baby and Timmy. To be honest, it’s been stressful these past few weeks as we are all trying to settle into a routine and get used to having a baby among us. I have let Timmy watch more tv then he ever has before, and I’ve yelled at poor Timmy more then I care to remember. I have only had a couple of sad days when I’ve got worked up and had a good cry due to my crazy hormones, but lucky Carl was understanding and was there to support me and try make me feel better.It has not been easy and was only last week I dared ventured out by myself with them both alone. Before this I would always make sure I had someone with me when I would go out with them. I ¬†genuinely was afraid to go out with them myself. We went to the park and fed the ducks, had a little picnic and on the way home decided to get Timmy’s hair cut, was a successful day out! I’m still figuring out how to juggle 2 kiddies, but ill get there eventually!

Elijah is 4 weeks old today. I have to say, so far as babies go he is pretty easy. He rarely cries, when he wakes at night he doesn’t cry he just fusses and sucks his hand until i go to him. If i take too long, over half an hour, then he starts to cry, but he is a chilled little man. He loves bath times, and loves his cuddles!! Since he was born I’ve been trying to follow a routine from the Gina Ford The Contented Little Baby Book. I did this with Timmy, and it truly helped, but I started this when he was 3 months old…if only I had found the book earlier with him!¬†A Routine and why it saved me!¬†Elijah is a sleepy baby, he needs a lot of sleep, so until today his sleeping wasn’t fitting in with the routine, but his eating was. Then last night he went from 2am, right through until 7am. I was so happy and today his eating and sleeping has fallen into the 2-4 week routine in the book! I am a huge fan of routines, it helps me through the chaos of my day. This book worked so well with Timmy, I had to give it a go with Elijah.

So we are all still adjusting to life as 4 now, but its going good and we couldn’t imagine life any other way. Chaos and all.

XX Life In A Mum Shell  XX

The blog

It’s in the bag!

So finally at 36 weeks pregnant i decided to pack my hospital bag! I know, cutting it close right? ¬†With Baby #1 I had the hospital bag packed and repacked a good 20 Times by the time i was 30 weeks. Most people nest around the house, sorting and cleaning. No not me, i nested in the baby’s room, obsessively rearranging the draws of clothes, folding them, organizing the baby’s and my hospital bag. You would have thought i was the most organised ready to go mum ever, turns out nope, not so much! Once i had delivered my baby i quickly realized there was a lot i didn’t bring along. For baby, i had everything i needed, even maybe too much. However, for myself i had pretty much nothing!

Maternity pads, 2 packets should be plenty, right? yeah, if your staying just the day! Nope, I¬†needed to send out my man to get me some the following morning, poor thing hadn’t a clue what to get. I told him the larger the better, and as many as you can get a hold of. Seriously, you can never have enough. I had not packed myself body wash which was added onto the list for the man to buy. Taking that first shower is the most incredible feeling in the world, a nice smelling body wash makes all the difference. I had not thought to pack a towel. They didn’t supply them at the hospital. I asked the midwife if i might be able to get one… i was met with a rather rude “No, we don’t supply towels here, you bring your own” before she walked out. As i went for my shower i then realized i had to then try to dry myself with a tiny hand towel, and bath mat which was half the size of a towel, it would do. But i feel sorry for the person who had to wash them! ¬†I also had not enough maternity bras, i had packed 2, which one i was wearing during the birth and it became very gross after holding baby and blood was everywhere. It got ruined very quickly. Why i wore a bra during the birth, i don’t know. ¬†I had not packed adequate clothing either, i literally spent 2 days in my hospital gown as it was more comfortable than what i had brought and also i had no breast-feeding tops, ¬†and with Timmy not feeding properly see my post on my struggle here¬†Breast Feeding, Conflicting Advice, Nipple Shields & Mastitis. ¬†I had my boobs out every 2 minutes trying to express, trying to get him to latch properly or the midwives trying to show me different ways of feeding. I think everyone in the hospital, from cleaners, midwives and the kitchen staff witnessed me with my boobs out at some point!

So, being a first time mum, although at the time I thought i had covered myself, it turns out i failed miserably. I am hoping this time around i have succeeded in putting everything i will need in my bag, or my 3 bags i have packed! Fingers crossed i have everything baby and i will need. I have been reassured, they supply towels in this hospital. So no towels needed! Lucky this time we are close to family and should i need anything, i can always give them a call. My step mother works at the hospital, how is that for convenience? ¬†So i feel a bit more relaxed about forgetting anything. Although i have Timmy to consider, so i have also packed him a little bag with clothes, PJ’S, nappies, underwear ect to take to my family’s should he need to stay with them, or if he needs to come to the hospital should all my family be at work. But I’m sure when things get started it will all fall into place. So i have put a list into place of what i have packed into baby’s bay and into my bag. Feel free to let me know if there is anything i need to add that i had not thought of!

Baby’s Bag

  • 18 New born nappie’s
  • 2 PK Baby wipes
  • 4x muslin Cloths
  • 1 baby blanket
  • 3 Bonds full length baby grows, complete with matching hat mittens and bib
  • 5 singlets
  • 2 baby grows short sleeves, short legs. also complete with matching hat, mittens and bibs.
  • 1 pair of pants to go over short leg baby grows.
  • 2 pairs of socks
  • 1 baby wrap blanket
  • 1 baby comforter
  • 1 toy from Timmy to give to his baby brother as a present when he arrives ūüôā he picked out a lovely soft blue giraffe.
  • 1 toy from baby to give to Timmy when he visits at the hospital – surprise ūüôā

Mummy’s Bag

  • 3 breast-feeding tops
  • 8 big pairs of cotton undies, the bigger the better!
  • 3 breast-feeding bra’s ( I will not be wearing through labor this time!)
  • 5 pks maternity pads, I may add to this in the next few days. like i said, you can never have enough!
  • 1 pk breast-feeding pads.
  • 1 long loose maternity breast-feeding dress
  • 2 maternity skirts
  • 1 pair of maternity comfy leggings
  • pj pants and top
  • Make up bag (should i decide i want to make myself look close to half decent – probably not) – tinted moisturizer, mascara, lip balm.
  • Toiletries bag – hair brush, toothbrush, toothpaste, hair elastics, nice smelling body wash, deodorant.
  • Phone and charger
  • plastic bag for dirty clothes to go in

So that about sum’s up my 3 packed bags ready for the hospital. I would love to know what you have packed in your bag before, or what you would recommend to pack.

xx Life In A Mum Shell xx

The blog

Gender Dissapointment

Who out there has ever experienced gender disappointment? Convinced yourself you were going to be having a girl to find out you were having a boy or vice versa?

This current pregnancy, my 2nd, I experienced just this! When i found out i was pregnant, although i kept my thoughts to myself for the first 3 months, i was convinced i was going to be having a girl. I went for the first scan at 3 months, when we saw we had a nice wriggly happy baby, i allowed myself to get very excited and started sharing my thoughts with my partner and my family that i was almost certain it would be a girl. Call it mothers instinct, gut instinct or woman’s intuition… i was 110 percent sure it was a girl. So much so, boys names were not a thought on my brain, i had a few solid girls names i was happy with. Not one boys name. I had this same instinct when i was pregnant with my first, i knew the moment i was pregnant he would be a boy and i was so spot on. I wasn’t going to question my instincts a second time. I felt really connected to my first baby during pregnancy and after, and i was excited to feel this way again a second time.

We went for the second scan and after revealing all was good, nothing to be worried about except a low lying placenta, but baby was fine. So i plucked up the courage to find out what we were having. During the scan it wasn’t obvious, you couldn’t tell so i was sure i had it pegged right again. After her searching for some time, she finally said “Ah, there we go, see there…. its definitely a boy!” I instantly felt sad, don’t get me wrong i knew how lucky i was to be pregnant with a healthy baby after my history¬†Miscarriages and Molar pregnancies¬†but as we drove home i just felt really sad. I even wanted to cry. What had happen to my mothers instinct? My internal woman’s gut instinct only us girls have? how could i have been so sure, yet so wrong? I was really excited at the thought of having one of each, perfect! I guess my disappointment showed in the car on the way home because Carl looked at me and said “Try not to be too disappointed, we have a healthy baby and that’s all that matters.” Of course he was right, but how could he understand how i was feeling right now? It wasn’t even so much that i was having a boy, it was more so that i was wrong, my instinct was off. Am i not connected to this baby like i was the first time? I just couldn’t get to grips my mum instinct was so wrong. Carl couldn’t understand how i was feeling, he tried, but hes not a woman and only a mum could really understand how this feels. It took me a good week to start shifting my feelings and thoughts and accept i was wrong. In actual fact, i still haven’t understood how i could be so wrong. But i am very excited at having another boy. Mind you we still have not any names picked, its a lot harder this time trying to find a boys name. The first time oddly enough i found everything easy, this time around it all seems a lot harder.

The perks to having another boy… I can keep all of Timmy’s nice clothes, hand me downs ¬†(sorry 2nd baby) but i must say, even Timmy had hand me downs among his new baby clothes. Toys can be kept and reused, plates, decorations all boy stuff can be kept. Also, i’m now used to what its like having a boy, so in that respect i know what i am in for.

I would love to hear any feedback or comments you may have on this subject as i’m sure i’m not the only person in the world to have experienced this!

xx Life In A Mum Shell xx

The blog

30 weeks pregnant

So far in this pregnancy I have not written any updates or milestones. I think its fair to say this pregnancy has not been easy. I have had a few up’s and downs along the way and I’m pretty tired of being pregnant for the 2nd time. It feels as though i have been pregnant for a long long long time. I often feel guilty about feeling like this, as i know how lucky i am to be pregnant in the first place and for there to be nothing seriously wrong. But it’s just how i feel. So let me take you back to the beginning.

When I first found out i was pregnant, it wasn’t the best timing. We were on Sark working through our summer job, saving money to move to Australia. We had just signed up with an immigration agent the week before to help us with this process, so we were afraid my being pregnant would affect this, luckily it doesn’t! When i first found out, i didn’t tell my boyfriend for a whole day i took a positive pregnancy test. I hate keeping secrets, so this was a big deal for me not tell him even if it was for a day but after the last 2 experiences we had, which you can read here¬†Miscarriages and Molar pregnancies¬† I was worried this may be another failed attempt and worried about how he would cope. But the next day when he came home from work, once he was in bed nice and relaxed i broke the news. He wasn’t excited, or happy, but concerned, understandably. I went to the doctor and explained my history and had a blood test done to help pick up any early signs of something being wrong. It was a long week waiting, but they came back fine. This didn’t reassure us totally, but helped a little bit. The minute i found out i was pregnant i began feeling tired beyond belief. Berrocca didn’t help at all and every day was a constant struggle, regardless of how much sleep i had and especially with a 2-year-old running around. Pregnancy with a 2 year old is tough, they want to be picked up all the time, they don’t understand why they can’t jump on mummy anymore or why they need to be more careful of mummy’s belly. I was extra worried, as i had no other pregnancy symptoms besides sore boobs and being really bloated. This was nothing like what i experienced first time around with Timothy! I haven’t been turned off any foods, nor craved anything. I’ve had no dizzy spells and not felt nauseous, which I feel very lucky and happy about but was worried as i expected to have these again. My sex drive, well lets just say, Poor Carl. 3 or 4 times in 6 months…But it actually physically hurts this time around, and i have no desire for any action whatsoever. The first time pregnant, total opposite, anytime any where.He just had to say so and i was on it! Too much info, sorry! But he has been very understanding.

We decided Me and Timmy would leave Sark earlier then scheduled and we would go to Carl’s parents in the UK a couple of weeks early so I could get a scan done before we went to Australia just in case there was something wrong. That way we could try to sort it out before we left for OZ. I had not told any of my family in OZ about my pregnancy at this stage and was very afraid of doing this because we had already arranged to stay with them while we were looking for work ect in Australia, adding my being pregnant to this wasn’t part of the deal! So after an anxious 2 weeks wait in England to get the scan, we finally got it done. We had a happy healthy baby with a heart beat. I cried, Carl’s mum cried, it was such a great day! I phoned Carl straight away to tell him as he was still working on Sark and wouldn’t be joining us for another few days. He was delighted and relieved baby was OK.

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So what felt like forever waiting to know for the first 3 months was such a relief and i could finally start embracing my bloated belly bump i had been trying to hide. I plucked up the courage to tell the family in Australia. All happy, with some mixed emotions and a lot of questions. Which i was expecting. The tiredness continued but it had never left me although some days were better than others. So now we could fully focus on our big move to Australia living in oz, 3 month update knowing our little bean was just fine.

Once in Australia, I quickly organised to see midwives and get registered. I still struggled with tiredness and the jet lag did not help this at all. I just didn’t quite feel fine, i didn’t know what it was but i was not feeling myself. My body ached, tiredness was not backing off, i would one minute feel happy, the next want to yell at somebody for no particular reason. Every day was a constant struggle to just feel like me.I figured this was just a tougher pregnancy the 2nd time around. The heat in Australia didn’t help with high 30 degree days and even a couple of 40+ degree days thrown in this literally drained me, especially at night not being able to sleep as it was just unbearably hot. I started working which helped give me something else to focus on and i would fight through the tiredness. I could feel baby moving and kicking and that reassured me all was OK. We soon went for our next scan which all came back fine, although they say i have a low-lying placenta but most of the time these fix themselves. I will need to go for another scan next month to see if this is the case or not.

Next was the gestational diabetes test. I had not had this test when i was pregnant with Timothy. It was truly awful! I had the drink, which was bearable but only just! The first hour after drinking, I was getting hot and cold, going in between wanting to vomit and wanting to pass out. After the 2nd hour this soon passed and i was OK. Later that day i got the dreaded call that i did have gestational diabetes. I was devastated and cried a lot. Anyone who has had Gestational diabetes will know what this involves. Doing 4 times daily blood tests, regulating your blood sugars, monitoring and weighing your food and counting your carbohydrates intake every day. Extra dietitians appointments every 2 weeks Just to add to the list of everything else you have to do daily. In this blog i wont go much into it, as i plan on writing an in-depth blog about it once i have had baby and gone through the whole thing from start to finish as I’m still learning about it myself. I recently went to my follow-up dietitians appointment and it looks like my blood sugars are still too high even though I have pretty ¬†much cut out all carbohydrates from my diet followed their recommended eating patterns and cut my meals down smaller. I’ve started loosing weight which isn’t good as this means baby isn’t getting enough in order to grow properly. I have a follow up appointment this Monday to see if i will need to go on Pills or insulin. I have just over 2 months left of my pregnancy to go, and its fair to say I’m ready for this to be done. Since I’ve been pregnant i have felt nothing but exhausted every single day, and I’m looking towards the finish line with so much excitement. I am just so ready to hold my little bundle in my arms and know baby is OK. I’m also ready to have my body back. I miss being able to sleep properly without little legs and arms kicking me and keeping me up all night, although if it’s not baby it is a 2-year-old. Soon enough it will be a baby and a 2 year old, so i really shouldn’t be complaining about this now. I know a few months after giving birth i will soon have forgotten the struggles and pains and i will miss being pregnant. It’s so weird how that works. I remember straight after having Timmy, i swore no more! 6 months later, I missed little feet kicking me and missed the baby belly and had forgotten the birth pain and how i felt for the first couple of months after giving birth and was ready to do it again. We women are made of pretty tough stuff! And while i’m ready for this pregnancy to be over, i’m trying my best to embrace the truly remarkable process occurring in my belly right now. I’m a lucky mum that’s for sure!

xx Life In A Mum Shell xx

 

The blog

Miscarriages and Molar pregnancies

When i look at my first son its hard to believe i created him, a real tiny little human growing and living. The miracle which he is still isn’t lost on me. previously in Australia after trying non successfully for 3 years plus with a previous partner i was told by an Australian IVF specialist that my eggs were no good, and the chances of me falling pregnant were unlikely. In the event i should fall pregnant it would most likely end in miscarriage. I was devastated, i went through a round of IVF, for it to fail. My relationship was at best rocky by this point, so looking back, its a good thing, but at the time i didn’t think so. I packed up my life in Australia and moved to Sark. That is where i met my current partner. I had told him about my life and no kids ect so we were not trying yet we were not being careful, thinking we were safe anyways! well 7 months later… i found out i was pregnant. My period was late, but that was nothing unusual to me as it was always out of sorts and since going through IVF sometimes i didn’t get a period and other times i would get 2 in a month. But i felt different somehow and decided to take a test just to rule it out, i was so unfazed that the result would be negative that i had made a cup of tea sat down, forgot all about the test until hours later when i went to the bathroom and got the shock of my life! BUT i knew there was a good chance it wouldn’t last, so i decided to tell Carl, and i’m ashamed to admit this, via text message!!! I was so scared of his reaction, but he called me straight back calmed me down and reassured me no matter what he would be there and he wasn’t going anywhere. He always has this way of making everything OK when i’m an absolute mess.So, As you know i had Timothy, the pregnancy was amazing (besides those first 3 months, and a bleeding scare), straight forward no complications and a straight forward delivery. I couldn’t have wanted it any other way.

Moving on to 6 months later after swearing there would be no more, me and Carl decide lets just stop being careful and see what happens. As far as were concerned Timmy is our little surprise miracle. If we don’t have another, were perfectly fine with only 1. So, Just after Timmy’s first birthday i found out i was pregnant, great, excited…. but it wasn’t to last i miscarried very very early on at 5 weeks. I think they call that a chemical pregnancy. So we decided not to dwell we looked at it as a late period, moved on as we had been.Then 3 months later again found out i was pregnant. This time it was a whole other ball game. The moment i fell pregnant i was severely sick, tired, couldn’t eat, couldn’t even prepare Timmy’s food, the look the smell everything had me turning green. I couldn’t stand up for long, i would get hot and want to pass out. I very nearly did in a shopping center a couple of times. There were days i couldn’t get of the sofa, i laid there all day while Timmy amused himself, i only rose to throw up or change him or prepare a very basic lunch. But i had all the normal symptoms, sore big breasts, swollen belly and bloated, no bleeding. I had read somewhere the stronger the symptoms the stronger the pregnancy. Well, i now know this to be a load of crap! ¬†We went for the 13th week scan, were the lady had told us there was no heart beat…this was not what we were expecting at all! devastated was not the word we would use to describe how we felt. That same day i had to go see a specialist who had told us i had a partial molar or a molar pregnancy. This is where the sperm penetrates a hollow egg, or where there are 2 sperm penetrate 1 egg. The pregnancy continues as though it was a real one, creating more cells, giving of all the pregnancy symptoms, yet its only cells growing, not a baby. In these cases the pregnancy symptoms are severe. that explains it. I even had milk leaking from my breasts.

So we had to digest this new information, and then tell family. They only knew i was pregnant because when i was really bad, i needed help looking after Timothy. So Carl’s family saved us and came took Timothy to stay with them while i had to have an operation to have the ¬†“Cells” removed, sent of and tested to see if it was a molar or partial molar and to watch if they cells grow. I thought they took it all out and that was the end of it. But it wasn’t that easy. Boxing day, were in Bristol at Carl’s family’s house with visitors and i start bleeding really bad and having contraction cramps. I was so scared, we had a ambulance come out who said this can be common. So the cramps subsided. once i got home, it was daily contraction cramps and a lot of bleeding so i went straight to the hospital where they did a scan to reveal they hadn’t got it all out, it was all basically still in there…they said i could do the operation again or wait for my body to pass it naturally. I opted not to have the operation. It wasn’t nice, another couple days of cramps and severe bleeding led me to pass the cells, which were very large by this point. But the moment i passed it the cramps stopped, the bleeding pretty much stopped and went to spotting. But it was still 3 months following this i had to have weekly blood tests, urine tests to see if my hormone levels returned to normal. If they didn’t it would mean the cells have started growing elsewhere and i would need chemo treatment to kill them, as they are not cancer, but they act like cancer cells and can duplicate elsewhere in the body. I was lucky, it took a while but eventually they did return to normal, no chemo needed and i was given the all clear to go ahead and try again if we wanted.

Carl had said he wasn’t sure he could go through that again, it was really tough on him.But my theory was, firstly i have a tougher skin due to my IVF earlier ect, I don’t want to look back in 10 years and say… what if? I would live to regret that, and regret isn’t something i like. So i explained to him i would rather continue on, should we never have anymore, then at least i know we can say, we tried and it wasn’t meant to be. I would be OK with this. What if we didn’t try, we would never know and always wonder what if?. This would leave me uncomfortable and i would regret that. So after a while he decided OK, lets just continue as we had been. what will be will be.

A year later i am now 6 months pregnant with another healthy baby. Imagine if we hadn’t of tried? So as you can see, my journey to having my babies hasn’t been easy or straight forward, but everything happens for a reason and i feel so blessed and lucky. My little miracles they will always be.

xx Life In A Mum Shell xx

The blog

My First Labour Story

I don’t know about you, but I love a good labour story! I’m one of those people who watch “One Born every minute”. I could sit for hours reading others story’s, so here is the story of my birth with my first son Timmy! Before I get into my actual labor, let me set the scene for where we were living at the time. I find the lead up to the birth more interesting and more eventful then the actual birth to be honest! When I was pregnant with my son, we lived on a very small island called Sark, located in the Channel Islands. There are no cars. People get around on bikes, horse and carriages and tractors. There are only dirt roads. It is the island of the “Dark sky’s”. The view of the stars are spectacular! Honestly, it is the most beautiful place to visit and is very unique. The views are just incredible. There is only one way off the island which is by a 1 hour boat ride to the neighboring island of Guernsey. Guernsey does have cars, an airport and thankfully a hospital and is much larger than Sark! So the plan when I would go into ¬†labor is I would need to call the doctor – there is only 1 doctor on Sark. He would arrive on his push bike with his doctors bag in hand he would then need to call the Sark Ambulance, which is a tractor with a trailer attached. You take the ambulance down to the harbor where there is an emergency life boat waiting for you with midwives on board which takes you to Guernsey where there is an ambulance (a real one) waiting to take you to hospital. So as you can see its a big adventure just getting to hospital! Not surprising there have been many who have not made the journey, had there babies at home, at the harbor, or even on the boat. ¬†I was lucky and made the journey! So now onto my actual labor!

pregnant-with-timmy-one-month-to-go

On an early June Morning 2.40am to be exact, I woke up startled sat upright in bed in a puddle of fluid. Oh Shit – Its Time! I wasn’t panicked, I was oddly calm. I went into the bathroom to check it was my waters broken, indeed it was. I went back into the bedroom to get myself some new underwear, my partner woke and this is the conversation that took place.

Partner: Are you OK? Me: yes, my waters have broken Partner: oh, are you in any pain? Me: No Partner: oh ok, can i go back to sleep? me: sure, I cant go back to sleep so I’m going to have a bath. I’ll wake you a bit later.

So I went down stairs and messaged my family back in Australia to let them know. I sat talking to them and another friend on Facebook (who had only given birth a few weeks earlier) for over an hour before going for a bath. Just before 6am I decided it was time to call the doctor, still in barely any pain just very mild period pain. I called the doctor who came out and organised the ambulance and boat etc, he asked where my partner was and I told him still asleep….he laughed and said I think its time you woke him up. So I went in told my partner the doctor was here and its time to get up. He was pacing around, chain-smoking and drinking coffee in a state of shock or panic, possibly both, which is why I didn’t wake him earlier! So you already know the procedure of how I get to Guernsey. Once at the hospital I’m¬†still not in much pain the midwife does her thing and see’s i’m already 8cm dilated and surprised i’m not in more pain. It wasn’t long after that things kicked of big time and it all started. I didn’t realise it could take so long to push out the baby, I thought my head was going to pop off from all the pressure! For you mummy’s out there you know how it goes so ill spare the details. I wasn’t given an epidural option so gas and air only and at 4.20pm I delivered a healthy baby boy. I’m so lucky it was a straight forward delivery, no complications.

newborn-timmy

I was lucky and suffered no after birth pains. Except there was a slight tear, which for several weeks after the birth made going to the bathroom, having a shower or sitting down extremly painful and I dreaded when I would need the toilet! Lucky there was no need for stitches. Oh and the wobbly jelly belly is such a weird experience! Not to mention the first shower after the birth, it is seriously like a murder scene, its grousome and extremly messy. After giving birth I found it really hard to walk, I was in so much pain, just getting in and out of bed was very uncomfortable for the first 2 days. The tiredness, it is like nothing ever experienced before. Now when someone complains they are tired, unless you have given birth and are sleep deprived, trust me, you do not know what being really tired is! But you get used to the tiredness, im 3 1/2 years in now since his birth and tiredness is a part of my life every day. So when mum’s say “enjoy your sleep before baby comes along” seriously, it is the best advice you could get! It is hard to imagine, but once your in the “no sleep” vacuume, your in there for years!

The first time it really hit me that¬†I was a mum was when I was left in the room with just me and my new baby all alone. My partner had gone home for the night, the nurses left me alone, and I looked at this tiny bundle and said “oh shit, your mine!” It was like hitting a brick wall suddenly it all became very real. I couldn’t believe he was here and the big event I had waited 9 months for had been and gone. A very surreal feeling.

I hope you enjoyed reading The tale of my labor story. I would love to hear about your labor stories, feel free to share your stories or send me links to your labour story posts as I do love to read about them!

xx Candice xx