Can you believe we are already in the middle of March? My baby turns 1 this month!! It has gone way too fast. My plans for his birthday are not a lot really. He doesn’t have any baby friends yet, so no point in throwing a party. His daddy will be working late as its a Friday his birthday falls on. So I am thinking I will just go around my dad’s house and do a nice little celebration and dinner round there. I will get Timmy to help me make a cake, he loves decorating cakes, not so much eating them. I have the weirdest child, he will not lick the bowl or the spoon, the BEST part of making cakes! I have not organised any presents as yet. He does not need a whole lot, so I am thinking I’ll just get him a little play tunnel which I think he would love to play with Timmy. Besides that, ill get him some winter clothes which he is need of. So not a very exciting birthday, but will still be nice and special.
So if you follow me on my social media accounts, Facebook, twitter or Instagram you will know that I am currently studying a diploma in childcare. I started it last year after I had Elijah, and I fell far behind. Mainly due to my self doubt! It is by far my worst quality, I second guess everything I do and question every choice a thousand times. So I delayed doing exams out of fear I would fail. So far I have not got below 90% in a single exam, so I really should stop the self doubt and just get on with it as I am clearly capable of doing it! So I am now trying very hard to catch up. I need to be doing an exam once every week for the next 2 months in order to catch up and then if I continue along the same routine, I should finish my course by the end of the year, that is my goal. I still have my work placement to do and I am hoping I will be ready to do this next month.
Ok, so I have blogging goals which is to blog more regularly. As of late I have been really uninspired by my own blog, I need to update the theme so its more exciting, I have just added some more areas which will expand my blog a little more. I’ve included food and drinks, books, mummy time and an arts n crafts section. And obviously there is the main blog section too.
So Timmy and his daddy are heading to the UK in a few months for a couple of weeks to visit family. Just the thought brings me to tears, the idea of putting my 3 year old on a plane and sending him off half way around the world, its too much to bear! I have never left Timmy for more then 2 days, and he was in the same country! Its a HUGE deal!! not to mention his birthday will fall on his holiday, so I wont be with him! I will not be going because Elijah will need to be held the whole journey as he is too little to have his own seat yet, that idea is not one I think of as much fun! So, I’ve decided, while they are off trekking the world, I am going to take me and Elijah on a holiday of our own, just not sure where yet! I really want to go to Melbourne. I have been before and loved it, so would be nice to go again! Or I could go up north. It would be winter time, so ill do some research and decide where I need to go. I do know I do not want to be sitting around the house, sad and missing my biggest monkey which is exactly what I will be doing. So I must make a plan for me! keep myself busy as possible.
I am extremely lucky with my second son, I was able to breast feed. He was exactly what I had hoped for when it came to breast feeding. He was easy! Unlike my first time with Timmy, which you can ready about Here I was not so lucky! Elijah I could feed straight away. Although those first few days are really really hard. It hurts so bad like someone is slicing your nipples with glass. I was not confident in my ability and kept thinking I was not doing it right. But It turns out I need not have worried because I was doing fine. Once I knew I was doing it right, things went very very smooth and I was very happy breast feeding. I did not like the Let-downs, Especially in the early days, they hurt! The engorged hard boobs you wake up to in the morning, milk everywhere and baby not being able to attached because there so hard and full! But yet, I loved it, because I knew my baby was growing, was happy and healthy all because of me and my boobies.
My son has just turned 8 months, and I have decided to stop with the breast feeding and just continue with formula. I have a few reasons for this. Firstly I feel ready to stop. I am ready to stop wearing maternity bras and I am ready to get my boobs back to being my saggy, not filled with milk hard boobs with the let downs. I have had enough! the second is because Elijah now has started to get teeth. He has bitten me a couple of times, mostly he is good and manages to avoid this, but still when he does bite, it bloody hurts!! And the third, is because I feel elijah is very very attached to me. I have no idea if this is because of the breast feeding, I just feel that by others being able to feed him it lets him bond with his dad and gives me a little space as I do feel Elijah is constantly on me. In the night, when he wakes all he wants is boob, he is not even hungry, its a comfort thing. He falls straight asleep on them. As we speak, he just got put to bed, screamed until I went in their and gave him boob. He is fine now! I have considered giving him a dummy instead, however he has not had one yet, and they are more trouble then there worth sometimes!
I am so proud I managed to breast feed him in the first place. I was so determined to breast feed elijah after my bad experience with Timmy, so being able to is a proud mummy moment! I was not even shy when it came to breast feeding him. If I was out I would find a quiet corner or somewhere not to open and sit there happily breast feeding my baby. It was great not to have to worry about bottles, sterilizing ect I did have a bad public breastfeeding experience with Timmy which you can read here and I was not sure how i would go this time around, but once I knew I was doing it right and I was comfortable, I had no problem feeding him in public. I was always discreet of course, but I was proud and did not care what anyone else thought.
But yes, I feel the time has come to stop breast feeding him. I have not 100% stopped yet, I only breast feed him when he wakes up at 5am and will not go back to sleep without a feed. I put him into bed with me, roll over flop out a boob and he falls asleep on there, as do I! We both get another hours sleep before Timmy comes in and wakes us all up! I feel I have done extremely well in the breast feeding department. I always said I would breast feed until 12 months, because that’s apparently when they recommend you do it until. but I guess when you feel its time to stop, its time!
With my first son I did make his baby food for a while, but it did not last. All that effort! boiling, blending, sterilising, freezing, heating back up ect. With my second son, I have made baby food once, that’s when I remembered how much effort it required. So I decided store brought was what was best for us. And you can get some great variety’s that have no added anything in them, they are just what they say they are!! We started weening our first son Timmy at 4 months, milk just would not do anymore. Back then pouches were the new thing, and they were just great! We would use what ever would be on special, or what was cheapest. It was the same this time around, with our second son Elijah we started with whatever was on special. Now I find we keep going back to the same brand, Rafferty’s Garden They have great variety and are always reasonably priced! Elijah is a bit funny with other brand fruit pouches, I think they may be too sweet for him, however he gobbles up the Rafferty’s Garden brand. He is almost 8 months and now one pouch does not fill him up, I need to give him 2! I heat them up by standing them in hot water for a few minutes, give them a good shake then pour them into a sterilised container or bowl and he just loves it!! I love how convenient they are when we are out and about, if i can not heat them up, he loves them as is and sucks the contents straight from the pouch! So whenever we go out I put a couple in my bag and I know we are fine for food!
We went away for a week recently, and the breakfast pouches were perfect for the duration of our stay! I did not need to take his boxed dry cereal with us that I need to mix with milk, I could take this pouch and he eats it as is from the pouch, no mess and no fuss! For a little variety we will tend to buy the store brand, Coles or Woolies as they are also cheap and have a different range of flavors to choose from. But over the course of 3 1/2 years and 2 children later, Raffertys Garden is still our go to brand for baby food and breakfast cereal.
Do you have a favorite brand you always tend to go with or do you prefer to make your own?
xx Candice xx
*Please note this post has not been endorsed, paid or otherwise. This is my honest review of a product we use and love.
Since becoming a mum I seem to be in a ‘Stuck’ phase. I am not who I was before children, yet I am not completely not that person either. Confused? Good, so am I! I have always wanted to be a mum and am so grateful I have been blessed with 2 healthy lovely boys. Personally though since becoming a mum I have struggled to find ‘Me’. Before kids, I had dreams, goals, I was driven and would go for what I wanted. I only had me to think about. It’s a freedom I look back on and see I took for granted. I would be lying if sometimes I longed for those long gone never to be seen again days, of waking up when ever I wanted to, not needing to think of anyone else but me, being able to do as I wanted when I wanted, not a nappy bag or pram in sight. Go shopping for me for clothes that I like and not have to worry about boob access, or to cover my mum tum and not to have to worry about baby sick or food staining and ruining it! However, I wouldn’t change my current life for anything. I’m 3 1/2 years into this mum life, yet I am still adjusting! I wonder if I will ever figure it out, or if it will always be a constant adjustment? Ive wanted to be a mum ever since i could remember, I am living the life ive always wanted yet why do I struggle personally? shouldn’t I be able to handle this with ease, love every moment, not let stress bother me and get me down. nope, life just doesn’t work that way!
I seem to have lost that personal drive I once had. After Timmy was born I struggled for a good 2 1/2 years to figure out which career path I would take when I eventually went back to work. I have always worked since I was 15, I love working. Since becoming a mum, this is the first time I do not have a paid job and rely soley on my partners income, however I definitely work, being a mum is the hardest job ive ever had! There are no days off, no sick leave and it is a 24/7 job! So when I go back to paid work I could go the path I know and have years of experience in and can do with my eyes closed, Reception/Admin. Or I could go the avenue which I have thought about loads but just not done as it requires more studying, and I would be starting over right from the beginning -Childcare. After we moved to Oz, Carl couldn’t work for the first 3 months, I did some temping casual reception work and was bored and hated it. I enjoyed the adult conversation and the break it gave me from being a “mummy” for a few hours, but I hated the mind numbing role. Sometimes the phone did not ring for hours, I sat there bored out of my brains and knew this was not what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I decided childcare it was! So after Elijah was born I enrolled in a Diploma in childcare. It has since sparked an excitement in me I had not experienced in a while for my personal goals and future. I enjoy studying and it feels good to be doing something for me. I have been struggling with the stay at home mum role, don’t get me wrong I love being apart of my children’s early years. I don’t miss out on anything, and im proud as punch watching my boys grow, learn and develop, but I do struggle as one day rolls into the next and into the next and weeks go by and I wonder where the days have gone? what did I achieve? Nothing gets done day-to-day and I have no idea what I’m doing every day! I wake up every morning with “ill do this and this and sort this” attitude and by the end of the day I am lucky if any of my lists gets done. Staying at home each and every day gives me very little motivation and inspiration, by the end of each day I feel very disappointed in myself for not filling my days as how I intended at the beginning. Most days are filled with washing clothes, washing dishes, repeat about 6 or 7 times through the day, it’s never ending and drives me mad! Then there is the 3 year olds mess, he is a tornado! I seriously can not keep up with him. From one room to the next, books off the shelf, play dough on the front step, and the back…how and when did that happen? Trains everywhere, Puzzle pieces in different boxes, Lego everywhere plus clothes he has mixed up…my fault…shouldn’t leave clean clothes lying on the floor with the dirty clothes for a toddler to get into and mix up! At any given time one or more….ok so all our rooms look like they have been burgled, it’s just so easy to shut the door and “deal with it later” yep…that door never opens! I want to be that mum that’s got all her shit together, that can cook and have a clean kitchen after, that does all the washing and puts it straight away instead of leaving it for days…ok sometimes weeks until we run out of clothes and search the basket! I wish I always had clean floors and that there wasn’t some sort of crunchy cereal I step on daily that my son dropped on the floor and that I step in daily…hmm, yep, probably should have cleaned that up by now. Every day I set myself up to fail in the house department, I just don’t have the motivation and get up and go to spend all day every day cleaning, sorting, repeat. Seriously, how on earth did mums manage 50 years ago with less appliances, more children, times were harder. Here I am struggling and compared ive got it a whole lot easier! I guess there are a lot more distractions these days, computers, social media, tv ect, more toys and stuff kids have to make more mess (my fault, i keep buying stuff!) I do hate that Carl comes home and is faced with the chaotic messy house and a girlfriend with messy hair, hairy legs and vomit and/ or baby food all over her clothes. It’s not fair on him, but to his credit he rarely complains, in fact he never complains, he only ever sometimes drops the slightest hint when he runs out of socks or underwear or when he feels its necessary I guess. Its sad, ive let my pride in my appearance go beyond acceptable. I desperately need waxing done, hair cut, new clothes and my weight has gone stupidly out of balance. I know im stuck in this rut, and need to get out of it. I have joined a gym, I love doing gym classes, there my time. Something I do just for me, its nice! I just need to get stricter with my eating. I eat mostly out of boredom, it’s a terrible habit!
I’m sure there are many mums out there who can relate. I would love to hear any advice or feedback you have! I love being a mum, but I am struggling to find ‘me’ in my role. I thought I was finding my self after Timmy we had a great routine and I felt on top of it. but once I had Elijah, our routine completely disappeared, and Timmy entered the terrible threenanger stage which threw me a new curve ball I wasnt ready for and then I had a bad spell of postnatal depression which sometimes I still find creeps in. Im blessed to be a stay at home mum, yet I struggle to find the ‘me’ amongst the chaos of daily life. I feel im constantly letting everyone down every day, not enough attention to Timmy and even to carl. He mentioned the other night he misses cuddles -which is all my fault, Im always too tired and just fall into bed exhausted too tired to stay up, chat, cuddle. Ive dropped the ball everywhere. I would be a hopeless juggler as this balancing act is hard work! Through the postnatal depression I fought hard to dig myself out of that hole, but it’s not completely gone, some days are great, others not so much but I’m dealing with it by talking to people, seeking professional help and writing about it along with reading self-help books.
I just wish I could feel comfortable and confident in this role as stay at home mum. Most days I feel like a fraud, like I’m going through my days dazing through trying be something i’m not and failing at it. My mum guilt on a daily basis is ridiculous, I constantly feel guilty over everything. How much time Timmy spends infront of the TV or on my phone playing games, or when he gets himself into a tantrum how I could have handled it better, or I didnt feed him a proper dinner… spagetti tonight kiddo? The only thing I can be sure of is I love my little family so damn much, my boys are my life and my world! They bring me purpose and a love only I can get from them. Their stressful, tiring and exhausting but I wouldn’t trade a minute of it for anything. I guess the rest of the chaos and mess will just sort itself out. well I hope it does! I guess we can’t have it all. I want to be a great mum, I wont sacrifice that to be a great housewife also. I read somewhere once that when your kids are grown, they wont remember the messy house or dishes in the sink, but they will remember the memories and laughter you create together. lets hope that’s true!
lots of love to all you mummas who feel a little lost and overwhelmed, you’re not alone! XXX
So here’s to another week gone by, this is what I got up to last week!
Monday – Was a really nice day, did some washing in the morning, Timmy is in school, Carl is at work. My dad came by and we went out to lunch at a local pub. I had an AMAZING salad. I even treated myself to a little glass of wine. In the middle of the day!. why not? It was nice, me and dad got to catch up and chat away, we didn’t even realise we had been there for over 3 hours! It was close to 4pm by the time we left.
Tuesday – Timmy wanted a chill out day, so that’s what we did. Nothing exciting, just pottered around the house doing general house stuff. Timmy watched a bunch of TV and played games on my phone, this is now his new thing playing games on our phones. We went for our usual afternoon walk around the block. It only takes 20 minutes but it’s nice to get out of the house on day’s like this!
Wednesday – Carls day off. Was a busy one for me, I needed to go to the library and get some study done so I did that in the morning while Carl looked after the kiddies for a couple of hours. Came home and Timmy helped me wash the car, it wasn’t until the next day I realised what a bad job we had done… so will need doing again very soon! I rode my exercise bike, not for very long with Timmy around, but still managed to get some exercise done. Did another walk around the block with the kiddies while Carl went for his driving lesson. He booked his driving test for next week! Fingers crossed he passes, I can not wait for him to get his licence.
Thursday – Carl had appointments in Wollongong to get done for his visa, so we went there for the day. Before his appointments we went for lunch by the water at Bombora Seafood Restaurant. As I wasn’t allowed to wait for him in the waiting room, I waited in a nearby café and fed Timmy chocolates to keep him occupied while I had a coffee.
Friday – Timmy is in school, It was time for Elijah to get his 4month immunisation needles, so I had him booked in, I had myself also booked in for an appointment and my sister needed to see a doctor also. So was a long morning spent at the doctors. I worked on my blog post, got a post sent out about the Parental Stress Centre. And spent a lot of time online doing research, and studies stuff. I am currently studying a diploma in Childcare. Picked up Timmy from school and went around my dad’s house for a quick visit. Elijah is grumpy and not happy since getting his immunisations earlier, So not the most exciting Friday!
Saturday – Dropped kiddies off round Grandma’s for an hour or so while I went and got waxed. I had not had this done since before Elijah was born, so I was well over due! I will NOT be going back to ‘ Perfection nail & beauty clinic’ in Tahmoor. I have been there 2x before and they were OK, nothing special. However this time was different. Besides no one else being in their, I was made to wait 40 minutes before being shown a room, then made to wait another 10 minutes in the room! Then the lady waxed off half of my eyebrow. Seriously!. I now need to cover up with an eye pencil. They tried to tell me it was like that before I went in there! I think I would realise if I was missing half an eye brow. Then went home and Spent the rest of the day at home again, doing house work and playing with the kids. Timmy is getting really good these days at driving his truck around the backyard, he can now steer properly and goes really fast, little hoon!! It is super cute watching him.
Sunday – Its my 34th birthday! I woke up to Timmy opening my presents for me. I got some beautiful flowers from Carl and the kids and a couple of books, which I am looking forward to reading. I then went to lunch with the family at a local club. Was a nice day. Went back to my dad’s house where they did a cake and sang the worst rendition of “happy birthday” I have ever heard! Very funny! Then at night Carl came home at a decent time and we had pizza and a glass of bubbles. So a good finish to the day!
breakfast in bed on my birthday
my beautiful flowers
So That sums up my week. Did any of you get up to anything exciting?
So those of you that follow me on my Social media accounts such as my Facebook Page will know that 2 weeks ago I had a Mummy Meltdown. Let me give you the back story so you will understand how I got to that point.
I gave birth to Elijah back in March and since bringing him home I have been feeling very anxious, stressed, overwhelmed and feeling I am not coping on a day to day basis. Elijah is now 3 1/2 months old. Before I had Elijah I was a lot more in control, and I felt like I could handle Timmy most of the time. There were rare occasions where I would have a bad day, but these were far and few between! I guess the timing of Timmy turning 3 just after giving birth to Elijah hasn’t helped. He has turned into a little Threenanger. This is a serious thing, forget terrible two’s they were a breeze, but once they hit 3, WOW! So trying to cope with his outbursts and tantrums while managing a new born baby has not been easy to say the least. Every day I suffer from major mummy guilt over trying to give Timmy the attention he needs and trying to breast feed Elijah and change a thousand nappies a day. I forgot how much stuff comes out of such a little human being! Every day for the past 3 1/2 months I have been feeling guilt ridden, felt like I am not coping, feel like I should be able to do all the washing, keep a clean house, give enough attention to both children, cook dinner, and make them healthy and something every one would like. I would be lucky if I got through a load or two of washing, and that doesn’t include putting it away! No one else was putting this pressure on me, but me! I feel like every day I should be an octopus with 8 arms. My expectations are way too high, on myself and on Timmy. He is 3. Yes, he is naughty, cheeky and testing. I feel I should be able to handle this, and honestly I have not been able to. Every night when I put him to bed, I promise tomorrow will be better and I will be a better mum who doesn’t loose her temper and who is more patient and understanding, but then the next day is just as it was the day before. The stress had just got too much and I am fearful it is turning into depression, if it has not already. I feel like I have no control and it does not help when well meaning family tell me i’m not doing things right, or I should be doing more of this or that. I don’t think social media has helped much either, with people only posting the most amazing pictures and stories of clean houses, kids playing incredibly well, outings where kids behave, home cooked meals from scratch. That is why for me, posting as honestly as I can about my struggles and my reality is important. Whether it be on my blog, instagram, fb or twitter. You will always see pictures of a messy house, my imperfect arts and crafts or cooking attempts and basically the reality which is life. Of course there are days which do go wonderful, and I go to bed feeling like the best mum in the world, however of late these are less and less. which seems to be my problem
Enter the Parental Stress Centre. In the midst of my mummy meltdown, telling my 3 year old son I couldn’t take anymore, I didn’t want to be a mummy anymore and I was going to go to work instead, an ad popped up on my facebook feed. The weirdest thing is, I never looked them up, I was not seeking outside help, it just randomly popped up on my face book computer screen at what could only be described as the exact moment I needed it to. I am the biggest skeptic out there, and I never click on these facebook ADS, but curiosity got me and I was at my wits ends so I clicked on the AD, what did I have to loose?. It was the best decision I made! Reading about there programs, how they can help, what they offer….I thought perhaps this might just be what I need. So I registered! I signed up for their 28 day program, find my calm challenge. We are currently on day 11, and I can honestly say this is EXACTLY what I needed! I love the live Q&A once a week with Jackie Hall. She explains everything so well, clearly and everything makes sense and i’m always left wondering why I did not know this before, or how did I not see this or understand this earlier?
Every day they send you an email in the morning, which comes with an audio version also. I prefer to listen to the Audio version then reading, I find I absorb what is being said better and each day it will cover a new topic such as ‘Understanding your Toddler’. I love waking up to these, especially after a bad night with Elijah being up and attached all night and i wake up feeling tired and irritated before the day has even began. Then at the end of the lesson they give you home work, these are tasks they ask you to do, which you do not send in, there just extra to help in your understanding and to help put the lesson into practice. You can choose to do them or not, they are up to you. I do them when I can. The past few days I have not had a chance. Things have been a little hectic, so ill open the email and listen to the audio version if I’m busy and don’t have time to sit and read, ill put the audio on while washing up or cooking or breast feeding and listen to it that way! Honestly, everything they say makes so much sense, and the hardest part is getting myself to rethink and rearrange my old habits and stop myself conflicting against the reality of what is happening as apposed to my expectations of what should happen. It is so easy to get myself stressed and worked up. But then I just need to stop, think about what I have been told, how to handle it and try the best I can in the current situation. This is easier said then done, some days I can handle, others get the better of me, and I just give up! I am working on it.
They have a closed face book group which I LOVE because every single other person on there you can relate to! They are all strangers, and you can post your problems and they all post with advice or there personal story. It is such a relief and just feels really nice knowing your not the only one who struggles as a parent. Obviously you already know you are not the only person which struggles as a parent, however some days can feel isolating, even if you have close friends, family and your partner/husband/wife ect around you, you can still manage to feel very alone with your problems.
I have had friends and family message me offering me advice and reassuring me I am doing a great job and I am not alone in how I am feeling, they assure me “we have all been there”. I truly appreciate these messages of support. Carl has been great, booking me a night away so I could take some time off. Much needed. I think Carl puts up with a lot, most night he comes home after working all day to a messy house, no dinner cooked and Timmy still awake as he refuses to go to bed for me! But when he walks through those doors, it is like a wave of relief, I have help, I have a team member who can step in so I can breathe. I feel happy, relieved and guilty all at the same time. I think I have let the stress and pressure every day get to me for too long and it is now weighing too heavy so this is why I decided to sign up to this program. Honestly, if there are any parents out there struggling and you feel you need help, you must look them up! They offer other programs besides the one I am doing. Its only day 11, and I have a long way to go, the program I am on is 28 days, but what I have learnt so far has been eye opening. I am really happy I chose to click on that AD when I did. I have a lot of self work to do, but I am looking forward to it and hopefully I will improve my every day outlook on life! I will be sure to keep you updated on my progress and let you know my final thoughts at the end of the program.
If you feel you need extra help or are feeling stressed or struggling to cope, please look them up!or click this link to be directed straight to their website parentalstress.com.au I highly recommend them!
XX Candice XX
PLEASE NOTE: I have not been asked to write this post or in no way has this post been endorsed, paid or otherwise. This is purely my experience using this service. I love sharing useful and helpful tips when ever I come across them!
So here I am about to write a weekly post about my comings and goings during the week. I often read other people’s post about what they got up to throughout the week and I love reading them. So this inspired me to write my own. I hope to get this out weekly and would love to hear your thoughts and comments! here’s my first post!
So as it is Sunday now, I will start my week from Sunday. Basically, Sunday set the tone for the rest of my week anyway, so it really is the best place to start my week!
Sunday – I had a bright idea to take my 3 year old son and 3 month old baby to the movies to watch cars 3 on my own! In the school holidays! Now, I know what your thinking, I must be crazy. Yes, yes I am! Had I of had seen 3 hours into the future, I can tell you I would not have even attempted this! But, as I did I need to tell you my story!
So we get to the movies, I’m lining to to buy a ticket when a lady taps me on the shoulder to inform me my baby has just vomited all over my shoulder and down my back! GREAT! I get the tickets then line up for food, I get some pop corn, a packet of M&M’s and a lollipop for Timmy. It is all going smoothly, he is listening to my instructions and i’m feeling hopeful and proud i’m attempting this adventure. We sit down in the middle of an isle, I sort him out with food and a drink and he is sitting happily eating away. baby has been fed and is sleeping in my arms. It is busy, and we get blocked in either end by people. The movie starts, all is good for about 20 minutes before the M&M’s run out, he is out of his seat trying to grab the girls next to his food and drink, annoying the lady in front who kept giving me death stares. This went on for 45 minutes before I got up and left, followed by Timmy screaming at the top of his lungs, we were in the foyer of the movies and people everywhere when Timmy decided to sit on the floor arms and legs going full on screaming because we were leaving! It took me 20 minutes to get him in the car, lucky me had 2 men sitting in the car next to us watching the whole episode. I got home, fed baby decided to get fresh air we would go for a walk. Was really nice, came home and it was one thing after another again, screaming, constant telling me no, the back chatting on and on until I broke down in tears in front of my son and told him I did not want to be a mummy anymore and I was going to work as I cant deal with him! In the midst of this breakdown, up popped an ad on my FB news feed about the Parental Stress Center. I normally ignore these, but my gut instinct told me I needed outside help, and I clicked. I joined and have never looked back. I will do a post all about this very soon! But was absolutely the right decision to join. Carl got home to find me a crying mess and started picking up the peaces. We decided it was a good idea for me to take a break so we booked me a hotel down the south coast for a night on Wednesday where I could order room service, have a bath and just chill out. So looking forward to that, obviously I would still have Elijah as he is still being breast fed!
Monday – Timmy is in school and Carl is at work, after dropping both off, I got myself a coffee at Mac cafe, went home and decided I was going to chill out in bed all day, work on my blogs, do some more study, perhaps even get a bit of reading done myself! I made a cup of tea, chucked on a load of laundry then and set up in bed with Elijah. Not even 30 minutes later the phone rings, it is Timmy’s school, could I come collect him as he has a red cheek and they suspect it may be the viral infection slap cheek! FUCKING GREAT!! There goes my day, and nothing yet accomplished! Spent the afternoon at the doctors and was told it was not slap cheek, he may just be getting a cold and yes he did come down with a cold on Wednesday! JOY!
Tuesday – I took the opportunity to get out of the house, as the school holidays are on and there is no swimming lessons today a couple of friends suggested a meet up! Great idea, much needed. Let the kids play(or fight!) and the mums can chat over coffee. Just what I needed! Timmy loves going around our friend Annie’s house, lots of toys, plenty of room to run and play, plus she has swings and slides! It’s like going to a park and a friends house rolled into one 🙂 win win!
Wednesday – So Carl is off and its my day to head down the coast for a day/night away. I felt guilty as Timmy woke up not well, but Carl convinced me to still go. I cried for a good 40 minutes in the car, a mixture of feelings going on! Mum Guilt over everything basically. I’m really hard on myself, I tell myself I should be able to look after the kids, keep a clean house, have all meals freshly prepared and keep it all together! I understand this is not realistic, and I’m yet to meet a mum who can do all this. I am working on this daily through the Parental Stress Center. So I drive down to Gerringong and stay at the Mecure Hotel. I end up with an upgrade and love my room. I usually stay in Mecure Hotel’s where ever I go, I have always had such a great experience with them, this time was no different! So, I check in, then drive to the main part of Gerringong, go for lunch, do some shopping then head back to the hotel and basically chilled! Got some snacks, veged out, watched TV and just tried to switch off as much as possible.
I ordered room service and had a nice bubble bath. I had Elijah with me so I wasn’t totally of duty, but I didn’t have the constant…”Mummy, Mummy, Mummy!” which some days that’s enough to drive me crazy alone! So all in all a lovely night away, and I felt it was much earned and needed!
Thursday – Carl took Timmy to Sydney to the Aquarium and to meet up with a couple of his friends. So I woke up, had breakfast at the hotel and as Carl and Timmy were not home I had plenty of time to kill and not rush back home. I checked out of the hotel, went for a coffee, I found an amazing little cafe, the staff were incredibly nice and personable and the views were amazing!
I did a little more shopping, spent far too much money so now ive replaced Mummy guilt with Money guilt…great!!
After some lunch I headed back home and lucky me came home to a nice clean house thank you Carl!!
Friday – Timmy was in school, Carl at work. I headed into Campbelltown with my younger sister to take her to an appointment, and me to do some shopping. Once again, spending too much money. After, my sister shouted me lunch at a restaurant called Grilled…its in Macarthure Square, for all my local friends who are reading this, if you have not been there before, please do, its amazing. I had the Baa-Baa burger. Seriously yummy! Not too expensive either. Healthy options and healthy buns ect. Def worth it after a hard days shopping 🙂
Saturday – Went groceries shopping, had a coffee, went to the local markets which is great. Did washing, just an average day really!
Sunday – More washing ect, just a day at home. Chill out day. Nothing much to report. Was a difficult day with Timmy again, He made ALOT of mess and refused to clean it up. We butted heads for about 3 hours….it was stressful and awful! He was being really naughty saying some awful things such as “mummy cant do anything right!” and also “i want you dead, boom your killed!” was just awful. I honestly have not come across this behavior from him before and I was in shock and really upset! But when i told him what he said was not very nice and hurt mummy’s heart, he turned into the sweet caring boy i know and said ” I will go get you a heart and make it all better and make you happy again” followed by a big cuddle and kiss. How can you be upset after that?! As Carl tried to tell me, he is a parrot and repeats anything he will hear….I do understand this but it is still hard to hear and hard not to take personal! I’m working on this!
Ok, so this post is going out a little late, sorry! I started it Sunday, it is now Tuesday. Days just dissapear when you have children! before I know it I will be writing this weeks post! well I hope you all had a smoother week then me!