Why I started blogging.

 

I first discovered blogging back in early 2016. I loved reading all sorts of blogs, Parenting, travel, fitness, fashion etc. I found inspiration in all sorts of areas. I loved reading normal people’s stories, I found them really inspirational. The more open and honest they were the more i wanted to read!

Then it started playing on my mind, that i might be able to start my own blog. I put it off due to A LOT of self-doubt. What would i write? Do i have any stories of my own to share ? Would people would want to read or even care or be interested in what i have to say?  What if i am no good? Where does one start a blog? It is a big deal to put your thoughts, ideas and opinions out there for the world to see, judge and talk about. It takes a lot of courage to do, its sort of like putting your diary on the internet, it’s very scary. So i put it off until we got to OZ and decided i would give it a go, what have i got to lose? I started my blog in November 2016, shortly after moving to Australia. I am still finding my blogging feet and only been doing it for 5 months! I started researching some other blogs which gave some amazing advice on how to’s for beginners. I am still learning and trying to incorporate some very useful advice.

why I blog

I started blogging as being a parent, I have stories and experiences to tell and share, I have fears and doubts in life and as a parent. It is nice to throw them out there and have friends, family and even complete strangers and other bloggers comment and share their own stories. Often being a parent can be lonely, even though you are never alone. You can feel as though you are travelling along a path in the dark not knowing what’s right or wrong, where to turn, how to cope, where your going and you can often feel isolated and unsure and it can often feel like an uphill battle and overwhelming. There are other times that are incredible, and you are so in love with this life and the little human you have created and you want to share your happiness with everyone because you are so happy and proud and wouldn’t change the low times as the high times make it all the more worth it.

Since I’ve been blogging

When I first started blogging it was such a relief. I had an outlet to share anything and everything i wanted, as scary and daunting as it was and still is! I love being able to relate to people from all over the world. It doesn’t matter where you come from, your background, culture, your way of life in general, we all have something in common. Parenting. Sometimes even the closest of people to us, partners, family, friends can not relate or understand, and vice versa. and it takes an outsider, a total stranger with an unbiased opinion to be able to relate and That’s OK. Since i started my blog, I have realized blogging is a huge world-wide community where everyone has a voice and i genuinely love reading others stories and advice on many different subjects. I’ve recently expanded my blogging community via Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. I have met some really nice, lovely and genuine people online through different avenues. Some blog posts have made me laugh, cry, others inspire me, others i feel i can relate to and others are like talking to a close girlfriend. I have had some amazing conversations with different people on all sorts of things and I really enjoy the connection and an outsiders non biased opinion or view on situations. It is really refreshing. It can often make me feel human again.

Life has been fairly hectic for us since moving from the UK in October last year and I don’t get to blog as much as i like, but i always try to put things on my other pages, FB, twitter and Instagram regularly. My blog is only a baby still and i have a lot of work i want to do on it. My blog at the moment is only a Mummy’s blog. All about my journey, my experiences including the good, bad, the highs and lows and sharing them with everyone including any advice i can give through lessons i have learned along the way and just being as honest and open as i can be. I have learned not everyone that reads my blog will comment, press like or share my posts, and that’s OK.Sometimes i get comments through my FB page, twitter or privately in email. I always encourage everyone to comment or share their thought’s with me, as that inspires me for new ideas, and keeps me motivated to keep putting my thoughts out there. I love hearing any sorts of comments, it’s always nice and reassuring.

I was out recently when a friend started a conversation and said “I’ve been reading your blog!” I had no idea she had even seen it, but she then started sharing her stories with me. That made me happy and that’s why I blog. I love hearing feedback, good or bad. I have really enjoyed blogging so far. Like i said its new to me still, I’ve a lot yet to learn and there is a lot yet still i want to do with my blog to improve it as at the moment it is extremely basic. I have been slow on the blogging front, as since moving from the UK to OZ, life has been very hectic trying to get ourselves settled and doing it all while being pregnant. We are nearly there, just waiting for baby number 2 to arrive, anytime pretty much now. We are very excited for the new addition to the family.

My blogging vision for the future.

I have really enjoyed my blogging journey so far, and i have a vision for the future once i have baby number 2. I would like to incorporate a health and fitness section. Before i moved to the Uk and had babies this was always a big part of my life, playing netball, going to the gym, running half marathons, running in the city to surf. But once i had my first-born, i went into total denial about my new after baby body. I let myself go and figured my life before could no longer be. But recently i have discovered it does not need to be that way, i shouldn’t need to sacrifice the things in life that make me happy  because i am now a mother. So i am looking at starting a new exciting chapter in my life soon, and bringing you all along for the ride.During this pregnancy I have had Gestational diabetes, and needed to take insulin. I have learned a lot more about food and what it does to your body and i would like to take this learning curve through into my future.

I would also like to incorporate a section on books, its my guilty pleasure. I LOVE reading books. I’m not good reading them on a tablet or kindle. To me there is nothing better than sitting down on the sofa, in the bath or bed snuggled with a good book. I love thumbing through physical books, and love the smell of a new book! Recently I have been reading some really amazing books which i would love to share with you and share my thoughts, and get you to share some book ideas in return! So there’s a couple of idea’s for future expansion. While still remaining a mummy blog of course! I have heard of self hosting your own blog, this i am still researching as it’s still confusing and i want to fully understand it before taking the plunge, and I’m not entirely sure i am yet ready for this. I will also be looking at changing the way my blog looks. It is a work in progress but for now, ill keep posting blogs when ever i can and enjoying the interaction I have with other bloggers via different social media platforms.

I hope you enjoy reading my blog posts, and like i said feel free to comment be it negative or positive or even just to say hi to let me know you have stopped by my blog! This blog is my passion, and by me getting to share my passion with you is the greatest joy! I appreciate the time you take to read my blogs, it means the world to me. THANK YOU!!

XX Life In A Mum Shell XX

It’s in the bag!

So finally at 36 weeks pregnant i decided to pack my hospital bag! I know, cutting it close right?  With Baby #1 I had the hospital bag packed and repacked a good 20 Times by the time i was 30 weeks. Most people nest around the house, sorting and cleaning. No not me, i nested in the baby’s room, obsessively rearranging the draws of clothes, folding them, organizing the baby’s and my hospital bag. You would have thought i was the most organised ready to go mum ever, turns out nope, not so much! Once i had delivered my baby i quickly realized there was a lot i didn’t bring along. For baby, i had everything i needed, even maybe too much. However, for myself i had pretty much nothing!

Maternity pads, 2 packets should be plenty, right? yeah, if your staying just the day! Nope, I needed to send out my man to get me some the following morning, poor thing hadn’t a clue what to get. I told him the larger the better, and as many as you can get a hold of. Seriously, you can never have enough. I had not packed myself body wash which was added onto the list for the man to buy. Taking that first shower is the most incredible feeling in the world, a nice smelling body wash makes all the difference. I had not thought to pack a towel. They didn’t supply them at the hospital. I asked the midwife if i might be able to get one… i was met with a rather rude “No, we don’t supply towels here, you bring your own” before she walked out. As i went for my shower i then realized i had to then try to dry myself with a tiny hand towel, and bath mat which was half the size of a towel, it would do. But i feel sorry for the person who had to wash them!  I also had not enough maternity bras, i had packed 2, which one i was wearing during the birth and it became very gross after holding baby and blood was everywhere. It got ruined very quickly. Why i wore a bra during the birth, i don’t know.  I had not packed adequate clothing either, i literally spent 2 days in my hospital gown as it was more comfortable than what i had brought and also i had no breast-feeding tops,  and with Timmy not feeding properly see my post on my struggle here Breast Feeding, Conflicting Advice, Nipple Shields & Mastitis.  I had my boobs out every 2 minutes trying to express, trying to get him to latch properly or the midwives trying to show me different ways of feeding. I think everyone in the hospital, from cleaners, midwives and the kitchen staff witnessed me with my boobs out at some point!

So, being a first time mum, although at the time I thought i had covered myself, it turns out i failed miserably. I am hoping this time around i have succeeded in putting everything i will need in my bag, or my 3 bags i have packed! Fingers crossed i have everything baby and i will need. I have been reassured, they supply towels in this hospital. So no towels needed! Lucky this time we are close to family and should i need anything, i can always give them a call. My step mother works at the hospital, how is that for convenience?  So i feel a bit more relaxed about forgetting anything. Although i have Timmy to consider, so i have also packed him a little bag with clothes, PJ’S, nappies, underwear ect to take to my family’s should he need to stay with them, or if he needs to come to the hospital should all my family be at work. But I’m sure when things get started it will all fall into place. So i have put a list into place of what i have packed into baby’s bay and into my bag. Feel free to let me know if there is anything i need to add that i had not thought of!

Baby’s Bag

  • 18 New born nappie’s
  • 2 PK Baby wipes
  • 4x muslin Cloths
  • 1 baby blanket
  • 3 Bonds full length baby grows, complete with matching hat mittens and bib
  • 5 singlets
  • 2 baby grows short sleeves, short legs. also complete with matching hat, mittens and bibs.
  • 1 pair of pants to go over short leg baby grows.
  • 2 pairs of socks
  • 1 baby wrap blanket
  • 1 baby comforter
  • 1 toy from Timmy to give to his baby brother as a present when he arrives 🙂 he picked out a lovely soft blue giraffe.
  • 1 toy from baby to give to Timmy when he visits at the hospital – surprise 🙂

Mummy’s Bag

  • 3 breast-feeding tops
  • 8 big pairs of cotton undies, the bigger the better!
  • 3 breast-feeding bra’s ( I will not be wearing through labor this time!)
  • 5 pks maternity pads, I may add to this in the next few days. like i said, you can never have enough!
  • 1 pk breast-feeding pads.
  • 1 long loose maternity breast-feeding dress
  • 2 maternity skirts
  • 1 pair of maternity comfy leggings
  • pj pants and top
  • Make up bag (should i decide i want to make myself look close to half decent – probably not) – tinted moisturizer, mascara, lip balm.
  • Toiletries bag – hair brush, toothbrush, toothpaste, hair elastics, nice smelling body wash, deodorant.
  • Phone and charger
  • plastic bag for dirty clothes to go in

So that about sum’s up my 3 packed bags ready for the hospital. I would love to know what you have packed in your bag before, or what you would recommend to pack.

xx Life In A Mum Shell xx

Gender Dissapointment

Who out there has ever experienced gender disappointment? Convinced yourself you were going to be having a girl to find out you were having a boy or vice versa?

This current pregnancy, my 2nd, I experienced just this! When i found out i was pregnant, although i kept my thoughts to myself for the first 3 months, i was convinced i was going to be having a girl. I went for the first scan at 3 months, when we saw we had a nice wriggly happy baby, i allowed myself to get very excited and started sharing my thoughts with my partner and my family that i was almost certain it would be a girl. Call it mothers instinct, gut instinct or woman’s intuition… i was 110 percent sure it was a girl. So much so, boys names were not a thought on my brain, i had a few solid girls names i was happy with. Not one boys name. I had this same instinct when i was pregnant with my first, i knew the moment i was pregnant he would be a boy and i was so spot on. I wasn’t going to question my instincts a second time. I felt really connected to my first baby during pregnancy and after, and i was excited to feel this way again a second time.

We went for the second scan and after revealing all was good, nothing to be worried about except a low lying placenta, but baby was fine. So i plucked up the courage to find out what we were having. During the scan it wasn’t obvious, you couldn’t tell so i was sure i had it pegged right again. After her searching for some time, she finally said “Ah, there we go, see there…. its definitely a boy!” I instantly felt sad, don’t get me wrong i knew how lucky i was to be pregnant with a healthy baby after my history Miscarriages and Molar pregnancies but as we drove home i just felt really sad. I even wanted to cry. What had happen to my mothers instinct? My internal woman’s gut instinct only us girls have? how could i have been so sure, yet so wrong? I was really excited at the thought of having one of each, perfect! I guess my disappointment showed in the car on the way home because Carl looked at me and said “Try not to be too disappointed, we have a healthy baby and that’s all that matters.” Of course he was right, but how could he understand how i was feeling right now? It wasn’t even so much that i was having a boy, it was more so that i was wrong, my instinct was off. Am i not connected to this baby like i was the first time? I just couldn’t get to grips my mum instinct was so wrong. Carl couldn’t understand how i was feeling, he tried, but hes not a woman and only a mum could really understand how this feels. It took me a good week to start shifting my feelings and thoughts and accept i was wrong. In actual fact, i still haven’t understood how i could be so wrong. But i am very excited at having another boy. Mind you we still have not any names picked, its a lot harder this time trying to find a boys name. The first time oddly enough i found everything easy, this time around it all seems a lot harder.

The perks to having another boy… I can keep all of Timmy’s nice clothes, hand me downs  (sorry 2nd baby) but i must say, even Timmy had hand me downs among his new baby clothes. Toys can be kept and reused, plates, decorations all boy stuff can be kept. Also, i’m now used to what its like having a boy, so in that respect i know what i am in for.

I would love to hear any feedback or comments you may have on this subject as i’m sure i’m not the only person in the world to have experienced this!

xx Life In A Mum Shell xx

30 weeks pregnant

So far in this pregnancy I have not written any updates or milestones. I think its fair to say this pregnancy has not been easy. I have had a few up’s and downs along the way and I’m pretty tired of being pregnant for the 2nd time. It feels as though i have been pregnant for a long long long time. I often feel guilty about feeling like this, as i know how lucky i am to be pregnant in the first place and for there to be nothing seriously wrong. But it’s just how i feel. So let me take you back to the beginning.

When I first found out i was pregnant, it wasn’t the best timing. We were on Sark working through our summer job, saving money to move to Australia. We had just signed up with an immigration agent the week before to help us with this process, so we were afraid my being pregnant would affect this, luckily it doesn’t! When i first found out, i didn’t tell my boyfriend for a whole day i took a positive pregnancy test. I hate keeping secrets, so this was a big deal for me not tell him even if it was for a day but after the last 2 experiences we had, which you can read here Miscarriages and Molar pregnancies  I was worried this may be another failed attempt and worried about how he would cope. But the next day when he came home from work, once he was in bed nice and relaxed i broke the news. He wasn’t excited, or happy, but concerned, understandably. I went to the doctor and explained my history and had a blood test done to help pick up any early signs of something being wrong. It was a long week waiting, but they came back fine. This didn’t reassure us totally, but helped a little bit. The minute i found out i was pregnant i began feeling tired beyond belief. Berrocca didn’t help at all and every day was a constant struggle, regardless of how much sleep i had and especially with a 2-year-old running around. Pregnancy with a 2 year old is tough, they want to be picked up all the time, they don’t understand why they can’t jump on mummy anymore or why they need to be more careful of mummy’s belly. I was extra worried, as i had no other pregnancy symptoms besides sore boobs and being really bloated. This was nothing like what i experienced first time around with Timothy! I haven’t been turned off any foods, nor craved anything. I’ve had no dizzy spells and not felt nauseous, which I feel very lucky and happy about but was worried as i expected to have these again. My sex drive, well lets just say, Poor Carl. 3 or 4 times in 6 months…But it actually physically hurts this time around, and i have no desire for any action whatsoever. The first time pregnant, total opposite, anytime any where.He just had to say so and i was on it! Too much info, sorry! But he has been very understanding.

We decided Me and Timmy would leave Sark earlier then scheduled and we would go to Carl’s parents in the UK a couple of weeks early so I could get a scan done before we went to Australia just in case there was something wrong. That way we could try to sort it out before we left for OZ. I had not told any of my family in OZ about my pregnancy at this stage and was very afraid of doing this because we had already arranged to stay with them while we were looking for work ect in Australia, adding my being pregnant to this wasn’t part of the deal! So after an anxious 2 weeks wait in England to get the scan, we finally got it done. We had a happy healthy baby with a heart beat. I cried, Carl’s mum cried, it was such a great day! I phoned Carl straight away to tell him as he was still working on Sark and wouldn’t be joining us for another few days. He was delighted and relieved baby was OK.

picture-2

So what felt like forever waiting to know for the first 3 months was such a relief and i could finally start embracing my bloated belly bump i had been trying to hide. I plucked up the courage to tell the family in Australia. All happy, with some mixed emotions and a lot of questions. Which i was expecting. The tiredness continued but it had never left me although some days were better than others. So now we could fully focus on our big move to Australia living in oz, 3 month update knowing our little bean was just fine.

Once in Australia, I quickly organised to see midwives and get registered. I still struggled with tiredness and the jet lag did not help this at all. I just didn’t quite feel fine, i didn’t know what it was but i was not feeling myself. My body ached, tiredness was not backing off, i would one minute feel happy, the next want to yell at somebody for no particular reason. Every day was a constant struggle to just feel like me.I figured this was just a tougher pregnancy the 2nd time around. The heat in Australia didn’t help with high 30 degree days and even a couple of 40+ degree days thrown in this literally drained me, especially at night not being able to sleep as it was just unbearably hot. I started working which helped give me something else to focus on and i would fight through the tiredness. I could feel baby moving and kicking and that reassured me all was OK. We soon went for our next scan which all came back fine, although they say i have a low-lying placenta but most of the time these fix themselves. I will need to go for another scan next month to see if this is the case or not.

Next was the gestational diabetes test. I had not had this test when i was pregnant with Timothy. It was truly awful! I had the drink, which was bearable but only just! The first hour after drinking, I was getting hot and cold, going in between wanting to vomit and wanting to pass out. After the 2nd hour this soon passed and i was OK. Later that day i got the dreaded call that i did have gestational diabetes. I was devastated and cried a lot. Anyone who has had Gestational diabetes will know what this involves. Doing 4 times daily blood tests, regulating your blood sugars, monitoring and weighing your food and counting your carbohydrates intake every day. Extra dietitians appointments every 2 weeks Just to add to the list of everything else you have to do daily. In this blog i wont go much into it, as i plan on writing an in-depth blog about it once i have had baby and gone through the whole thing from start to finish as I’m still learning about it myself. I recently went to my follow-up dietitians appointment and it looks like my blood sugars are still too high even though I have pretty  much cut out all carbohydrates from my diet followed their recommended eating patterns and cut my meals down smaller. I’ve started loosing weight which isn’t good as this means baby isn’t getting enough in order to grow properly. I have a follow up appointment this Monday to see if i will need to go on Pills or insulin. I have just over 2 months left of my pregnancy to go, and its fair to say I’m ready for this to be done. Since I’ve been pregnant i have felt nothing but exhausted every single day, and I’m looking towards the finish line with so much excitement. I am just so ready to hold my little bundle in my arms and know baby is OK. I’m also ready to have my body back. I miss being able to sleep properly without little legs and arms kicking me and keeping me up all night, although if it’s not baby it is a 2-year-old. Soon enough it will be a baby and a 2 year old, so i really shouldn’t be complaining about this now. I know a few months after giving birth i will soon have forgotten the struggles and pains and i will miss being pregnant. It’s so weird how that works. I remember straight after having Timmy, i swore no more! 6 months later, I missed little feet kicking me and missed the baby belly and had forgotten the birth pain and how i felt for the first couple of months after giving birth and was ready to do it again. We women are made of pretty tough stuff! And while i’m ready for this pregnancy to be over, i’m trying my best to embrace the truly remarkable process occurring in my belly right now. I’m a lucky mum that’s for sure!

xx Life In A Mum Shell xx

 

Opinions & Judgments

The one thing since becoming a mum I can’t stand is people giving there opinion and passing judgment on your parenting skills, especially those who do not have children, or whose children are all grown up – times have changed, things are different now!

Since I have had Timmy, I try really hard not to pass judgment on other parents, you just don’t know there situation. When you see a mother loose her shit in a grocery store, pre mum me would have thought ‘bit of an over-reaction’ or ‘she shouldn’t yell at her kids like that’ but now I have had a child I see it differently.

I look at that mum with such sympathy and understanding, because who hasn’t been there right? And if you haven’t your sure to experience this very public melt down at some point and most likely more the once. There are so many events which could have led her to the very public meltdown for instance, a child who wakes up in a fowl mood after being up most of the night and doesn’t want anything you give them for breakfast and throws it all over the floor or at you. Then refuses to get dressed running around the house screaming so you need to tackle them while they are kicking and screaming while you struggle to put their clothes or nappy on. Once they look semi decent, you the try to make yourself look decent,  while the child screams at you or bangs on the door of the bathroom while you are trying to get a comb through your hair and brush your teeth in an attempt to feel and look human, meanwhile you finally manage to get out of the house, the child refuses to sit in his car seat and straightens out as stiff as a board so its impossible to strap him in. Once you finally make it to the shops only to realize there is a big stain from your child smeared all over your shirt.( Never judge a mum who hasn’t a clean shirt on, they don’t do it intentionally, I should know!) The child refuses to sit in their pram or trolley, then decide they don’t like their shoes, at some point pull them off and by the time you realize its too late there long gone. So when you see that mum loose her shit, have some sympathy. Don’t be so quick to judge as kids and parents have bad days. Just last week I was out shopping and another heavily pregnant lady was walking through the shops with a toddler who was lying on the floor screaming and kicking their legs. I truly felt for her and gave her the smile that said “it’s ok, I understand” look. She looked so mortified and stressed yet trying so hard to keep calm.

Its even worse when Family and friends chip in with their 2 cents of advice. Even if its well meaning and coming from a good place, if you haven’t asked for it, it should be give unless absolutely necessary and can be some way helpful and not insulting. I’ve heard plenty of comments coming my way such as “he is too old to still be I nappy’s why is he not potty trained?” or “your routine isn’t working, why do you bother?” or ” your son is naughty, you need to stop him doing this or that” or “he should eat less of this, more of that, you shouldn’t feed him this…” I literally could go on all day with the comments that come way from ‘well-meaning’ friends and family.

What is sometimes even worse when you ask someone for there advice on a situation and they don’t give it to you, but then after you have made a decision and acted on it they then feel free to give you there advice on how you handled it “oh, I wouldn’t of done it that way, I thought that was wrong when you were doing it, I would have don’t it this way!” that has happened to me so may times. Say something when I ask you, not later as it doesn’t help then!

As a parent you take each day as it comes, and make the best decisions for your child at the time. Comments like these can be really hurtful and upsetting and make you feel like your not a good enough parent or make you feel you are letting your child down in someway. I have cried a lot over many comments like these, especially when I am trying my best as a mother.

That’s my rant for today, hope you enjoy!

xx Life In A Mum Shell xx

 

Me Time

I love my child more than words describe, but there are times I need a damn break from him! Not only for my own sanity but for his also. It does him and me good! when Timmy was first born, I struggled with this idea, “Does this mean I don’t love him?” “Am I a bad mum for needing time away from my baby?” well, no! its actually the opposite, taking some much needed me time ensures your the best mum you can be. If its only to catch up on some much needed rest, or to sit and relax without interruption. My partner would come home and say he was taking the baby out for a walk and I should get some rest. I felt guilty at the time for sleeping while he looked after the baby, but it was the best thing for me, even if I didn’t realise it at the time.

When I was a full time stay at home mum trying to find “me time” I tried doing things I would do before baby came along such as going out to lunch with friends or out to dinner with my partner or family to get me and baby out of the house, but having baby with me was hard. He seemed to know when it was mummy’s feeding time, and on queue would scream the whole place down. So not a lot of conversation or eating took place. When me and carl would try to go for dinner we would need to play tag, one would hurriedly eat while the other walked around trying to calm baby down, then switch. Not very romantic or quality time spent, and more was stressful than anything.

I soon figured out how to fit in some “me time” around my baby. After 4 months he started getting into a routine, regular sleeping patterns and naps, so I used this time to my advantage! Before it was spent cleaning, sterilizing, pumping, eating ect  so usually during the day time naps this is when I would catch up on some much needed sleep or I would sit down and eat…. such a luxury not to be interrupted these days! Or sit and watch some trashy day time TV or read a book and just switch of for an hour or so. I came to love Timmy’s naps times, I used to hate them, as I would be rushing around trying to get as much other stuff done as possible and never get a chance to sit as Timmy would be awake before I knew it. But once I decided no more housework during nap times and just make it my chill out time, the difference it made to my whole day was incredible. Sitting down with a packet of biscuits (I say a packet, as the reality is, I never ate just one, The whole packet would be gone!) a cup of tea and watching day time TV is pure luxury.

Of course there were days I never got my “me time” as Timmy refused to sleep which left both him and me cranky and in a state. But on these bad days the one thing that got me through was knowing that bed time was at 7pm, by 7.15pm I would be in a warm bubble bath with a glass of wine, a good book and candles when I felt like really indulging! now this was pure bliss. It became my nightly ritual, so much so, carl would come home and say “hello, are you in the bath again?” yes, I was! he would often top up my wine glass for me if I finished it before I was ready to get out of the bath, now that’s love! These moments were huge in saving my sanity. The little things became the most important things, and things I used to take for granted, were now things I needed and really appreciated.

These days I take any opportunity to find “me time”. Its been great having Carl of as he hasn’t been able to work for 3 months due to his visa process. I haven’t needed to worry about as much and when I’m tired I can take my naps during the day while carl can look after Timmy, I can actually get sleep ins when I’m not working and its been nice sharing the work load. Carl help’s do dinner times and other odd jobs that need doing. I know very soon Carl will be back at work, and ill be a full time mummy to Timmy and the new little one again trying to fit in “me time” again into the little gaps I have possible. So while Carl has been of, I have used this to my advantage, without the guilt. So, excuse me while I go open a packet of Tim Tams, make a tea and relax with a book!

xx Life In A Mum Shell xx

Miscarriages and Molar pregnancies

When i look at my first son its hard to believe i created him, a real tiny little human growing and living. The miracle which he is still isn’t lost on me. previously in Australia after trying non successfully for 3 years plus with a previous partner i was told by an Australian IVF specialist that my eggs were no good, and the chances of me falling pregnant were unlikely. In the event i should fall pregnant it would most likely end in miscarriage. I was devastated, i went through a round of IVF, for it to fail. My relationship was at best rocky by this point, so looking back, its a good thing, but at the time i didn’t think so. I packed up my life in Australia and moved to Sark. That is where i met my current partner. I had told him about my life and no kids ect so we were not trying yet we were not being careful, thinking we were safe anyways! well 7 months later… i found out i was pregnant. My period was late, but that was nothing unusual to me as it was always out of sorts and since going through IVF sometimes i didn’t get a period and other times i would get 2 in a month. But i felt different somehow and decided to take a test just to rule it out, i was so unfazed that the result would be negative that i had made a cup of tea sat down, forgot all about the test until hours later when i went to the bathroom and got the shock of my life! BUT i knew there was a good chance it wouldn’t last, so i decided to tell Carl, and i’m ashamed to admit this, via text message!!! I was so scared of his reaction, but he called me straight back calmed me down and reassured me no matter what he would be there and he wasn’t going anywhere. He always has this way of making everything OK when i’m an absolute mess.So, As you know i had Timothy, the pregnancy was amazing (besides those first 3 months, and a bleeding scare), straight forward no complications and a straight forward delivery. I couldn’t have wanted it any other way.

Moving on to 6 months later after swearing there would be no more, me and Carl decide lets just stop being careful and see what happens. As far as were concerned Timmy is our little surprise miracle. If we don’t have another, were perfectly fine with only 1. So, Just after Timmy’s first birthday i found out i was pregnant, great, excited…. but it wasn’t to last i miscarried very very early on at 5 weeks. I think they call that a chemical pregnancy. So we decided not to dwell we looked at it as a late period, moved on as we had been.Then 3 months later again found out i was pregnant. This time it was a whole other ball game. The moment i fell pregnant i was severely sick, tired, couldn’t eat, couldn’t even prepare Timmy’s food, the look the smell everything had me turning green. I couldn’t stand up for long, i would get hot and want to pass out. I very nearly did in a shopping center a couple of times. There were days i couldn’t get of the sofa, i laid there all day while Timmy amused himself, i only rose to throw up or change him or prepare a very basic lunch. But i had all the normal symptoms, sore big breasts, swollen belly and bloated, no bleeding. I had read somewhere the stronger the symptoms the stronger the pregnancy. Well, i now know this to be a load of crap!  We went for the 13th week scan, were the lady had told us there was no heart beat…this was not what we were expecting at all! devastated was not the word we would use to describe how we felt. That same day i had to go see a specialist who had told us i had a partial molar or a molar pregnancy. This is where the sperm penetrates a hollow egg, or where there are 2 sperm penetrate 1 egg. The pregnancy continues as though it was a real one, creating more cells, giving of all the pregnancy symptoms, yet its only cells growing, not a baby. In these cases the pregnancy symptoms are severe. that explains it. I even had milk leaking from my breasts.

So we had to digest this new information, and then tell family. They only knew i was pregnant because when i was really bad, i needed help looking after Timothy. So Carl’s family saved us and came took Timothy to stay with them while i had to have an operation to have the  “Cells” removed, sent of and tested to see if it was a molar or partial molar and to watch if they cells grow. I thought they took it all out and that was the end of it. But it wasn’t that easy. Boxing day, were in Bristol at Carl’s family’s house with visitors and i start bleeding really bad and having contraction cramps. I was so scared, we had a ambulance come out who said this can be common. So the cramps subsided. once i got home, it was daily contraction cramps and a lot of bleeding so i went straight to the hospital where they did a scan to reveal they hadn’t got it all out, it was all basically still in there…they said i could do the operation again or wait for my body to pass it naturally. I opted not to have the operation. It wasn’t nice, another couple days of cramps and severe bleeding led me to pass the cells, which were very large by this point. But the moment i passed it the cramps stopped, the bleeding pretty much stopped and went to spotting. But it was still 3 months following this i had to have weekly blood tests, urine tests to see if my hormone levels returned to normal. If they didn’t it would mean the cells have started growing elsewhere and i would need chemo treatment to kill them, as they are not cancer, but they act like cancer cells and can duplicate elsewhere in the body. I was lucky, it took a while but eventually they did return to normal, no chemo needed and i was given the all clear to go ahead and try again if we wanted.

Carl had said he wasn’t sure he could go through that again, it was really tough on him.But my theory was, firstly i have a tougher skin due to my IVF earlier ect, I don’t want to look back in 10 years and say… what if? I would live to regret that, and regret isn’t something i like. So i explained to him i would rather continue on, should we never have anymore, then at least i know we can say, we tried and it wasn’t meant to be. I would be OK with this. What if we didn’t try, we would never know and always wonder what if?. This would leave me uncomfortable and i would regret that. So after a while he decided OK, lets just continue as we had been. what will be will be.

A year later i am now 6 months pregnant with another healthy baby. Imagine if we hadn’t of tried? So as you can see, my journey to having my babies hasn’t been easy or straight forward, but everything happens for a reason and i feel so blessed and lucky. My little miracles they will always be.

xx Life In A Mum Shell xx